Coping with Change

In life there are many tasks we have to deal with. Some of them are quite simple, e.g., eating, and some of them are more complicated, e.g., mathematics. When we are born we have very little ability, and maybe we can cope only with eating; we can’t do any math! As we get older we get better at most things, but at the same time the things we need to do get more difficult. For example, as we get older we need to learn to use a spoon, then a knife and fork, and eventually we get right on top of the eating task and we can use chopsticks. We continue to be successful at eating until, maybe, when we get old and frail our eating ability falls below the level of difficulty that is necessary to stay well fed. Taking another example, at school we get on top of the level of mathematics we need for day-to-day life, but later in life when we have to deal with the complexities of tax and investments the math gets too hard - it gets on top of us and we have to employ a professional. Technologies are an interesting example: we're born with no ability, but really early children learn how to deal with phones, tablets, and their complex toys - they get on top of it. We incrementally got on top of using mobile phones, search engines, social media, etc. As time goes by sudden technology advances come out and get on top of us; most recently generative AI tools have become available, and they have gotten on top of some of us. Some people are learning how to use them, while others accept that it’s just beyond their minds’ ability and remain downright scared. There are even some things we get on top of, they get easier as time goes by, and we stay on top of them for almost always. An example is driving, which gets easier as advances in car technology take over some parts of the task.

This little essay looks at how we deal with change over time. When one of the tasks of life gets on top of us, either because it's getting more difficult or we are getting less capable, we have to decide what to do. There are three possibilities (that I can think of): 

Now we can look at the reasons for choosing each of those three possibilities.

Accepting Staying Underneath

The first reason for falling under and staying there is inability to get back on top. It might be pure physical ability or mental incapability. Sometimes the environment doesn't offer the resources or the information that is needed to get on top. So you just have to admit defeat, however frustrated you might be. Math is an example: as the math needed for doing your taxes gets more complicated you might not have the ability to learn that math - you just have to stay underneath that task (and delegate it to your tax accountant).

Second reason to accept staying under the curve is a lack of desire or motivation. Maybe you lost interest in the topic, e.g., many people try to learn how to play a guitar but after the first few simple tunes they realize it's not so easy and lose interest in the task. Another source of lack of desire is that the task changes, e.g., in relationships the other person seems to change over time (or maybe you do) and the desire to maintain the relationship fades. Of course it's conveniently easy just to have a lack of desire, some might call it laziness.

An explicit intention to stay underneath is an alternative reason. The hippies of the 1960s and 1970s chose to "turn on, tune in, drop out", and intentionally stayed below the task of "working for the man". Intention might also stem from a conflicting need/desire to help others with their tasks, e.g., parents intentionally abandon the task of staying fit and healthy by going to the gym because they are spending time helping their children get on top of their growing up tasks

A final reason for staying under a task is that the task goes away, e.g., if there's a hole in a boat and it starts to sink the task of saving the vessel might get on top of you, but if the the hole is plugged and the water stops coming in then the task goes away - you just stayed under the task until it went away.

Getting Back on Top

Now let's look at the reasons to get back on top of a task when it gets on top of you.

The first and obvious reason is that you desire to get back on top of a task, e.g, if you have a complex girlfriend and she gets too complicated then the task of dealing with her might get on top of you, but you desire to get back on top of the task because you want to get back on top of her. A less trite example is working hard to get on top of employment tasks because you desire to succeed and provide comfort for yourself or your family. 

The next one is necessity - a situation that you're stuck in a situation that might eventually "kill" you, and you really have to get on top of it. That climber whose dilemma was portrayed in the movie "127 hours" is good example: he cut his own arm off and got back on top of the task of staying alive.

Lastly there's obligation. Obligation isn't always nice but sometimes it's there. If you're a parent you really are obliged to stay on top of the task of looking after after your children. As they grow older they do become more difficult, and you do have to work hard to stay on top of that task. War is another situation where sometimes there's an obligation to fight, to get on top of the task of defeating the enemy. 

Splitting the Task

Lastly let's look at the reasons to split the problem rather than getting back on top or falling completely underneath.

The first reason it's an easy option. If you don't have a reason to get completely on top or stay completely underneath then getting partially on top and partially falling underneath can work. For example, I don't understand the details of large language models, but I'm happy to get on top of using them. Sometimes a very big split is evident, e.g., in USA politics there is the insane Donald Trump, and there are some less insane alternatives. I can't get on top of Donald Trump's stupidity, but I can talk to people about sensible politics and stay on top of that. 

Sometimes splitting is the only option if you unable to get fully on top. For example, you might be too old to chase young skirt so you split the task; you abandon chasing the young skirt but stay on top of chasing some of the skirt. Sometimes a task continues to change too fast, and you just can't keep up. An example of the price of property in Miami - it's going up and up and up. Many people can't get on top of the task of earning money fast enough to buy a property, so they have to split it the task ... they accept that they have to rent and then stay on top of the task living in Miami. 

Finally, splitting is sometimes the desired option. A change of your life for example: when men have a midlife crisis they get on top of their hair task by getting plugs and buying themselves a hat when driving their little open top sports car, but they have to accept that the sex task is a lost cause. Sometimes it's a bit of deal just to get one part under control and abandon the other, e.g., I couldn't do both SCUBA diving and sailing so I let the SCUBA diving task go - SCUBA got on top of me but I stayed on top of the sailing task.

My Bottom Line

So where are the sweet spots in all of this. Let's think about the reasons for falling under: 

Now let's order the reasons for getting back on top:

Now let's look at me reasons for splitting:


The lessons that you get out of that analysis are:

It's perfect.

Geoff Sutcliffe, October 2023